With no apologies!!

A Beery Christmas (t)Ale 

Christmas is coming,

Give thanks, the beers not flat,

It's time to put some zest,

Under poor old Santa's Hat!


He's visited the British Beer Shop,

With innocent intent,

But they all tuck in with gusto,

Before the night's half spent,


Landlord's the one for Santa,

As he feels that he's the boss,

But Santa's merry disposition,

Could be the children's loss,


Rudolf's getting merry,

His antlers are in a twist,

'It mush have been zat Tanglefoot',

'I'm fleeing rather p***ed'!


The sleigh is getting rowdy,

And the party's in full swing,

Presents flying everywhere,

That's really not the thing,


We won't disclose which greedy elf,

Drank all the Sheepshagger,

Suffice to say he's paid the price,

Santa's put him on the lager!


The elves are getting feisty,

Throwing Blessed Thistle down their throats,

They've gone and missed out Aberdeen,

And are heading for John O'Groats,


The beer is nearly finished,

Thankfully just in time,

Disaster’s been averted,

Before the clock’s struck nine,


The sleigh is flying faster,

The cold winds blowing snow,

At least they'll soon be sober,

Before the day begins to show,


The run has all been finished,

The Elves tucked up in bed,

But Santa’s skulking down below

In the reindeer shed,




He calls up the his favourite reindeer,

The one whose nose is always red,

‘Sorry Rudolf my old friend, no rest for us I fear,

 No bed for us, we’re in a rush, we’re not quite finished yet’,


‘The fridge is bare, we’re out of booze,

We’ve got to make one more stop,

I fear there’s nothing left to lose,

It’s to the British Beer Shop'


They both sneak quietly out,

Santa hooks up Rudolf to the sleigh,

Post haste they fly to Uster,

Before the break of day,


Fursty Ferret, Monster Mash,

Trade Winds and Landlord too,

Cairngorm Black Gold and Poacher's Choice,

Now there's a fine old brew,


Blessed Thistle, Tanglefoot and of course First Call,

They’re really cooking up, a cheery, beery, Christmas ball,

Hey! Santa don’t forget, the cases of Sheepshagger's,

The elves will only riot, if they’re forced to drink cheap lagers,


Santa's loaded up the sleigh,

And they take off in first light,

‘Merry Christmas one and all,

And have a festive, fun-filled night!’